My Only New Year's Resolution

Keeping it real, as David Chappelle has brilliantly shown, can be dangerous. It's a fine line you walk when it's realism you want to keep, and today I'm going to dangle a foot on the wrong side. Be warned: the following blog entry may be too real for the faint of heart.

My Only New Year's Resolution:

Being in a long distance relationship, I only have sex about every two weeks(except during holidays). Not surprisingly, this means I masturbate. A lot. More than you think.

Anyway, I've fallen into the habit of doing the solitary nasty soon after I get home from work. While it's a great activity to unwind with after a hard day(or any day), sometimes you want to get shit done before the next work day is upon you. It's hard to do that when you are already in a very relaxed state, shoulders slumped, legs uncoiled, and exhaling the deep breath that follows.

So, for 2007, I resolve to:

• Delay self-gratification until the end of the evening, making it the last thing I do.

That's right, I'm not resolving to stop it - not even to let up - but to reschedule it.

If this has been too real(you failed to heed my warnings, crybaby), I apologize. In my defense, you must know that a) I'm a man and therefore b) I have a penis.

A lot of you are never reading my blog again, are you?