Starring Me as Myself

I've seen this musical meme making the rounds at two of my favorite blogs. It creates the soundtrack to the movie of your life, if anyone ever made it. And the way you do this is:

1. Open your music library (iTunes, Winamp, etc.)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that’s playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Lather, rinse, repeat. DON'T LIE, IT'S NOT COOL(I won't, no matter how embarrassing).

Opening Credits: "Help Me Spock" - Warp 11
Ah, a preview to my unique brand of geekery. What kind of opening shot would this be, me struggling with a problem only a Vulcan could help me overcome? Help Me....SPOCK!

Waking Up: "Oh Girl" - The Chi Lites
Well that's just fucking great, I wake up heart broken, yearning for some girl who broke my heart(she better be played by Lisa Bonet or Rosario Dawson). This is turning out to be a great movie. Shit.

First Day of School: "The Post" - Dinosaur Jr.
Um...I have no idea, really. I guess "Eyed it, dried it, untied it/Chilled it, spilled it, refilled it/Paste it, traced it, erased it" works for school.

Falling in Love: "Just Because I Do" - My Morning Jacket
Well this is almost a better fit, it does sound like a good love song. Maybe I fall in love with someone who isn't right/good for me, so "I'm hoping you'll get better, and ill get rid of you. " Wow. That's weird.

Fight Song: "Four Dead in Ohio" - Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young
My love is killed in a student protest, so I set out to confront the establishment bastards who took her from me. Yeah. "gotta' get down to it/ soldiers cuttin' us down/ shoulda' been done long ago/ what if you knew her and found her dead on the ground? how can you run when you know?"

Breaking Up: "Good Times" - Sam Cooke
A very ironic song for my breakup. This plays while I wallow in exaggerated comic misery - or, I'm just really happy because my girlfriend after my dead girlfriend was a real bitch, and I go out partying. Either way.

Prom: "Carry On My Wayward Son" - Kansas
I go back in time, to 1977, when this song was a Top 40 hit. It plays after I make sure two star-crossed lovers share their first kiss at the prom, and Al tells me to get ready for my next leap. Then I wake up.

Life: "So What" - Miles Davis
A nice, jazz-backed montage of my life. In black and white, featuring some shots of me playing pool and smoking for some reason.

Mental Breakdown: "Sweet Little Sixteen" - Chuck Berry
After a series of personal and professional disasters, I'm reduced to a cowering shell of a man who takes multiple personalities to cope. One of them is a girl celebrating her 16th birthday. This plays on a record player as I manically celebrate by myself with a cake and stuffed animals.

Flashback: "European Oils" - Destroyer
The lyrics talk about the past, so it's a good song for a flashback. A previously unknown chapter in my life, where I fall in love with an English woman named Candice, and her father ruins our relationship " She needs to feel at peace with her father, the fucking maniac...". It ends with her tragic death, and me at her wake, ringing bells for my lost love. "I made a tomb for all the incompatible cells I could take/I brought bells to the wake/And you, you didn't mind shedding your beautiful European blood as I screamed - "Death to the murderers we've loved all our lives!""

Getting Back Together: "Lonely Train" - Black Stone Cherry
My next girlfriend serves in Iraq. After punching the President in the face, I travel to Baghdad to saver her(I'm convinced her death is inevitable). This song plays as I'm helicoptered around the war-torn streets of Baghdad, before finally finding her in the middle of a viscous firefight. We kiss, and fly off together, and somehow we bring everyone else with us.

Wedding: "Bitch" - The Rolling Stones
Um...yeah. Actually, once you hear the song, it fits pretty well: "Yeah, you got to mix it child/ You got to fix it must be love/ Its a bitch/ You got to mix it child/ You got to fix it but love/ Its a bitch, alright". Love and relationships are something you have to work on, and eventually you learn that. It's not all fun and games. It's a bitch.

Birth of a Child: "Strawberry Fields Forever" - The Beatles
I have no idea. Maybe the entire idea of fatherhood is so alien and scary, the entire birth scene is very surreal to me and doesn't seem like it's really happening? "Nothing is real and nothing to get hungabout."

Divorce: "Commotion" - Creedence Clearwater Revival
The divorce is frantic and messy. I have to move to a small apartment downtown, and my daily life turns from serene to tumultuous.

Final Battle: "Swee Dee Dee" - Cat Power
I guess it's not so much as a final battle, but a final confrontation with the ex-wife. We share bittersweet memories before making love one last time, and this song plays as it fades out from us in our last embrace.

Moment of Triumph: "Lazing On A Sunday Afternoon" - Queen
I live on and have a great life, relishing in the pleasures of the everyday.

Work: "I Want A Little Sugar In My Bowl" - Nina Simone
A thankless job; I long for something more, something more exciting. Or, the coffee is just too black.

Death Scene: "Wild Thing" - Jimi Hendrix
I die pursuing a side-career in street racing. A horrible, horrible fiery crash. Jimi plays the song for twice as long as the original(over six minutes), so I have time to pull of a spectacular win before my final crash.

Funeral Song: "Sweet Child O' Mine" - Guns N Roses
My friends carry of my casket, but it's kind of a celebration of my life funeral instead of an oh fuck he's dead funeral. My hair reminds someone of a warm place where they would hide as a child. I go out rocking. "Where do we go? Where do we go now?" I'll find out, Axl, I'll find out.

End Credits: "Tremor Christ" - Pearl Jam
Eerie. There is a twist ending, it turns out I was the evil twin all along. Or Jesus. Or something. " little secrets, tremors...turned to quake.../the smallest oceans still get...big, big waves.../ransom paid the devil...he whispers pleasing words...".