Wednesday, September 13, 2006

A Fall Funk

Every year the coming of autumn finds me falling into a funk. A tired, inert state involving sleepless nights and groggy days. The change of the seasons does something to me I guess.

Is it the sudden weather change that makes me feel frustrated with and tired of everything? A repressed memory of bad Septembers that makes it harder just to get out of bed?

Work, play, even sleep seem harder. Sleep, for Christ's sake. How can you be tired but not be able to sleep? I lay in bed perfectly still. Then I move to get comfortable, because my left leg just doesn't feel right. Or my right side wants to be covered by the blanket. Then it doesn't. Before long I've moved too much to be restful anymore. So I try to be still again. Inevitably, after countless different laying configurations and blanket arrangements, I give up. Staring at the alarm clock, I dread the morning. It's getting closer, and the red numbers floating in the dark don't let me forget about any minute of sleep I've lost.

I turn the clock away.

Eventually, whatever part of my mind that is too apprehensive to sleep gives in. Morning comes, and I wonder how I will find the energy to get through all the things I have to do, let alone want. I need to go to work. I want energy to exercise, to fix dinner, and enjoy some of the day. Instead, all I'm in a day-long funk.

Funk is the perfect word for it. Weighted down, covered, sticky, unable to do anything about how fucking uncomfortable you are in your own skin. Break out, break out! and shatter your shell! you scream at yourself. Go do something. Anything.

Tonight I'll run at the gym. I know how to fight off the blues. Work, play, and sleep will come easier. I hope.

P.S. Music can help us get through some "tough" times, so here is my recent Rap/Blues playlist for the Fall Blahs:

Talib Kweli - The Proud
Albert King - I'll Play The Blues For You (Parts 1 & 2)
B.B. King - The Thrill Is Gone
Common (feat. Kanye West and John Legend) - They Say
Nina Simone - When I Was In My Prime
Eminem - Cleaning Out My Closet
Ray Charles - Nobody Cares
Bill Withers - Ain't No Sunshine
The Coup - Tiffany Hall
Bettye LaVette - Down To Zero
Otis Redding - You Don't Miss Your Water
Tupac Shakur - Life Goes On
The Streets - Stay Positive
Talib Kweli - Roll Off Me

2 comments:

minijonb said...

A medical doctor would probably call this Seasonal Affective Disorder... but it sounds like you've got a pretty good handle on it already. You're right; going to run at the gym or any kind of workout is probably the best thing you can do for yourself in this situation. I need to get my butt to the gym on a more regular basis.

Kris said...

minijob - My brother was diagnosed with that a few years ago. It dissappeared after his stint in the Marines though.

The run did help, a lot.